Well, sure, if this was a competition there would be billions of contenders and each one a winner. After all every mom in every corner of this world, however primitive or modern (and I would include every female creature on the face of this earth), looks out for her little one and puts its well being above everything else. 'So what ?' is your question, right? The point is, I never considered myself as a stereotypical mom, thinking that I would have revolutionary ways of bringing up my kid. No over hyped drama for me..no way! Ha! Little did I know what a roller coaster ride I had ahead of me.
Now that I think about it, it was a weird start and looking at that time of my life I sure was not the best mommy! A year and a half back S and me were still going back & forth about the whole 'having a baby decision'. Parents were getting worried and trying to ward off any questions from people but trying their best to not put us under any pressure. I am sure other people back home (satellite relatives) were wondering what the deal was...5 years into marriage and no sign of a cradle...'surely the girl needs some medical or divine intervention' must have been the talk of town. Fast forward to Jan of 2009, we finally decided we would take this seriously and start working for it. After all it would still be at least 6 months before we got pregnant. Ha again..it happened just a month down the line!
The first time I saw the pregnancy test I wanted to rewind the whole thing and go back to being not pregnant. Family being super excited and throwing instructions and advice left & right , not to mention the constant questioning about my feelings about being pregnant just made me uncomfortable. I just did not want to talk about it. That was the first trimester. As my little one started wiggling and making his presence felt, I couldn't help getting more and more attached. I would enjoy the silly chats we had on the drive to work. I liked the feeling of not being alone and always having someone to listen to me without any questions or prejudice. Finally, D day came and little A said hello to the world on a cool December evening. The delivery in itself was an adventure and A made sure that we got desperate enough to see him ! He was a bundle of joy and who would imagine that such a tiny little baby would dictate our lives to his whims and fancies.
And now, here I am 91/2 months later, enjoying every moment of mommy hood, struggling with all the emotional ups and downs attached, being possessive and worrying myself sick over little things related to A. In short, I am doing every thing any mom would be doing...nothing revolutionary! I make sure that there is drama everywhere around me...what a surprise! But at the end of the day, my little baby looks upto me and I (of course hubby included...but since this post is about me, lets stay focused) am responsible for shaping his life. And maybe the decisions I take may not always be right but I always do my due diligence and hope that if anything goes wrong, I would be the one to take the hit. And to come back to where we started out, the whole point of this post is to reiterate that even though billions of women do the same thing for their kids, they each deserve the award for 'Best Mommy'!
I know exactly what you mean when you say you had a vision of what kind of mommy you would make. I read somewhere, 'I was an amazing mother till I became a mother.' :D
ReplyDeleteI love the silly chats part.... I miss that bit too! I got all too possessive of R during pregnancy and can't seem to shake it off now!
".... and hope that if anything goes wrong, I would be the one to take the hit", such a nice thought, well said!